Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's always time for handjobs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
