I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
