Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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