Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
