Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
