I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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