So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize