If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
