You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
