Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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