so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
