Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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