Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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