Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize