Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
