He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
