There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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