D3 body, D1 cock
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
