Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
