those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
