k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
