you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize