Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize