bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you win again, gameday.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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