god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
