Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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