This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
