Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
