wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
