I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
