Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
