And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
