No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
