1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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