I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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