dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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