Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
