I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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