"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
