there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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