watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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