I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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