i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
