So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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