my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
