Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize