someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
