Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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