ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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