so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i drank out of a bidet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
