Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
