My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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