So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
