I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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