She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
