Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
