I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
