Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need water and some morals
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
