Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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