everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
