We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
