The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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