At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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