He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
