See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
