everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
